Monday, August 24, 2009
i'm just a girl
i hate how i can't control my feelings...
and i also realized that i cannot control my own mind...
i wish i could tell myself to stop thinking about him but i can't...
and it's really scaring me......
you always tell me to appreciate you.. but why do you never appreciate or respect me...?
i remember when we first started dating, you were so busy juggling school and 2 jobs that you rarely had any time for me.. and i remember you always ended classes later than i did, and i would wait that extra 1.5 hours everyday just so i could spend 30 minutes together with you before you rushed off to work... and how you'd always reschedule or cancel our dates, and i would tell you don't worry, it's okay. so then you said, before we started dating, you thought i was childish and that i would definitely complain about how busy you are... but instead, i never did. and i just tried my best to cherish every possible moment we could have together. and you appreciated me back then for my maturity and understanding of your situation and such... but i guess because of that single compliment, i tried to keep up that image by tolerating your actions again and again... i tried to overlook so many things and makes excuses for you so i could move on from each argument to the next...
did you know that i am actually a very demanding girl? did you know that i always feel insecure and that i need a lot of attention? did you know that a simple argument can make me give up and back out of relationships very easily? did you know that i hated changing myself because i believe i deserve to be loved for who i am? of course you didn't know any of those things about me.... because i never showed those sides of me to you. because ever since i found you, i changed...
i don't think i have ever tried so hard to keep a relationship before... i have never been afraid of letting go and moving on. i was always very realistic with my decisions and often based them on a set of pros and cons, consequences and outcomes. yet this time, it feels like... loving you has outweighed everything else. and i believe in you. i know you will never betray me... i trust that you love me... even if it seems like i'm always on the bottom of your priority list.
but i'm selfish... i'm unreasonable... i whine, i cry, i get jealous, and i want your attention... i don't want to be mature, i don't want to be understanding, i don't want to be accepting.... but i kept everything to myself, because i want to keep your love... and i know our time together is too short for any of that childish behaviour.
but i wish you will someday realize what i go through for you,
and realize that i am just a girl....
and i also realized that i cannot control my own mind...
i wish i could tell myself to stop thinking about him but i can't...
and it's really scaring me......
you always tell me to appreciate you.. but why do you never appreciate or respect me...?
i remember when we first started dating, you were so busy juggling school and 2 jobs that you rarely had any time for me.. and i remember you always ended classes later than i did, and i would wait that extra 1.5 hours everyday just so i could spend 30 minutes together with you before you rushed off to work... and how you'd always reschedule or cancel our dates, and i would tell you don't worry, it's okay. so then you said, before we started dating, you thought i was childish and that i would definitely complain about how busy you are... but instead, i never did. and i just tried my best to cherish every possible moment we could have together. and you appreciated me back then for my maturity and understanding of your situation and such... but i guess because of that single compliment, i tried to keep up that image by tolerating your actions again and again... i tried to overlook so many things and makes excuses for you so i could move on from each argument to the next...
did you know that i am actually a very demanding girl? did you know that i always feel insecure and that i need a lot of attention? did you know that a simple argument can make me give up and back out of relationships very easily? did you know that i hated changing myself because i believe i deserve to be loved for who i am? of course you didn't know any of those things about me.... because i never showed those sides of me to you. because ever since i found you, i changed...
i don't think i have ever tried so hard to keep a relationship before... i have never been afraid of letting go and moving on. i was always very realistic with my decisions and often based them on a set of pros and cons, consequences and outcomes. yet this time, it feels like... loving you has outweighed everything else. and i believe in you. i know you will never betray me... i trust that you love me... even if it seems like i'm always on the bottom of your priority list.
but i'm selfish... i'm unreasonable... i whine, i cry, i get jealous, and i want your attention... i don't want to be mature, i don't want to be understanding, i don't want to be accepting.... but i kept everything to myself, because i want to keep your love... and i know our time together is too short for any of that childish behaviour.
but i wish you will someday realize what i go through for you,
and realize that i am just a girl....
you leave me sleepless at 11:43 PM
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