Saturday, August 22, 2009
the 23rd of every month.
the 23rd of every month.
NO... it's not what you're thinking of. :P
so it's been 9 months now..
maybe it is because of the amount of time we actually got to spend together that i can barely believe 9 months have past... i know i shouldn't even be talking about this publicly on my blog, but sometimes i just wish you could read my mind and know how i feel and what i'm going through... ughhhh i hate myself. i feel like i'm just being a whiny little bitch trying to get attention and pity. i am. but do i get any credit for realizing it myself? :P so looking in my agenda, i've marked down each and every day we've ever gotten to see each other.. and surprisingly or not, it totals to be under 3 months. and i even remember that most of them were just brief encounters at school before you rushed off to work... why did i even bother counting up the days and why does it matter so much? if we're in love, this kinda stuff shouldn't even matter.. right? i can confidently say that those 90 or so days we spent together were some of the best times i've ever had in my life.... i love how you baby me and treat me like a princess.. i love how you know me so well that you always give me exactly what i want without me having to say it.. i love how you'd make promises to me and surprise me by never breaking any of them no matter how trivial they are. but why were these things only limited to those 90 days we actually got to see each other...? for the rest of the 9 months.. i felt like all i've ever gotten from you were insensitivity and nonchalance... knowing that the easiest way to stay in touch would be using the internet, why do you never go online? but even so, i still didn't give up and made long distance calls to you everyday without fail.. but to my disappointment, you never showed any signs of happiness in your voice upon receiving my call... sometimes, you were even eager to hang up the phone to continue doing whatever you were doing... and i wonder.. am i really that much of a nuisance to you..? if i'm not standing infront of you, does that mean i'm not a part of your life anymore...? and i still can't stop myself from calling you... even though i'd feel lonelier and emptier than ever each time we hang up the phone. but i still trust you.. and i believe you do love me... and i try my best to hang on to this seemingly one-sided relationship...
but sometimes it is just so hard... especially when i feel like i'm the only one who is constantly waiting.. and what is even more cruel is that time goes by exponentially slower for the one who is waiting than the one being waited.. so i've slowly learned to avoid thinking about you and missing you, and to avoid all those things that might remind me of you... and just when i started to think i could put my feelings for you aside for a while... a simple phone call of 15 seconds on the morning of our 9th anniversary can ruin it all and make me break down inside...
why do you do this to me...?
yet, i know i still won't stop loving you...
how i wish i could choose who to fall in love with... then it would be so easy.
sorry for such an emo post :( it doesn't even make much sense. and i know people who read this will roll their eyes and call me stupid :P
maybe it is that time of the month.
or maybe i am just hungry.
happy 9 month anniversary.
NO... it's not what you're thinking of. :P
so it's been 9 months now..
maybe it is because of the amount of time we actually got to spend together that i can barely believe 9 months have past... i know i shouldn't even be talking about this publicly on my blog, but sometimes i just wish you could read my mind and know how i feel and what i'm going through... ughhhh i hate myself. i feel like i'm just being a whiny little bitch trying to get attention and pity. i am. but do i get any credit for realizing it myself? :P so looking in my agenda, i've marked down each and every day we've ever gotten to see each other.. and surprisingly or not, it totals to be under 3 months. and i even remember that most of them were just brief encounters at school before you rushed off to work... why did i even bother counting up the days and why does it matter so much? if we're in love, this kinda stuff shouldn't even matter.. right? i can confidently say that those 90 or so days we spent together were some of the best times i've ever had in my life.... i love how you baby me and treat me like a princess.. i love how you know me so well that you always give me exactly what i want without me having to say it.. i love how you'd make promises to me and surprise me by never breaking any of them no matter how trivial they are. but why were these things only limited to those 90 days we actually got to see each other...? for the rest of the 9 months.. i felt like all i've ever gotten from you were insensitivity and nonchalance... knowing that the easiest way to stay in touch would be using the internet, why do you never go online? but even so, i still didn't give up and made long distance calls to you everyday without fail.. but to my disappointment, you never showed any signs of happiness in your voice upon receiving my call... sometimes, you were even eager to hang up the phone to continue doing whatever you were doing... and i wonder.. am i really that much of a nuisance to you..? if i'm not standing infront of you, does that mean i'm not a part of your life anymore...? and i still can't stop myself from calling you... even though i'd feel lonelier and emptier than ever each time we hang up the phone. but i still trust you.. and i believe you do love me... and i try my best to hang on to this seemingly one-sided relationship...
but sometimes it is just so hard... especially when i feel like i'm the only one who is constantly waiting.. and what is even more cruel is that time goes by exponentially slower for the one who is waiting than the one being waited.. so i've slowly learned to avoid thinking about you and missing you, and to avoid all those things that might remind me of you... and just when i started to think i could put my feelings for you aside for a while... a simple phone call of 15 seconds on the morning of our 9th anniversary can ruin it all and make me break down inside...
why do you do this to me...?
yet, i know i still won't stop loving you...
how i wish i could choose who to fall in love with... then it would be so easy.
sorry for such an emo post :( it doesn't even make much sense. and i know people who read this will roll their eyes and call me stupid :P
maybe it is that time of the month.
or maybe i am just hungry.
you leave me sleepless at 11:40 PM
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