perfection

100

2010-10-06T02:21:00.003-07:00

T_T

last memento of my long hair~

epic fail yet again :D

2010-10-06T01:29:00.004-07:00

said i'd blog about this :D

so the other day suzy and i went to grab lunch at shota sushi in kerrisdale before going to waves (kingsway bby). so when we finally stuffed ourselves until the buttons on our jeans were about to burst open, we sat in the car contemplating whether to take 33rd, 41st, or 49th to bby. suzy said she usually takes 33rd, but i said since 49th is right there, we should just take 49th!

so we drove towards 49th -- 2 cars, me behind suzy, chatting on the phone (handsfree! not illegal!.. okay i was kinda breaking the law since i'm still an N).

SO, LONG STORY SHORT, we both made a right onto 49th and drove WESTBOUND all the way til we almost hit marine dr. before we realized we were going the EXACT OPPOSITE DIRECTION. -HEADTOSTEERINGWHEEL-

how did we both not notice? L O L . yeah, don't ask.

ORGASM

2010-07-16T16:19:00.003-07:00

Pat: says:

*ur gay

.ᴊoybear; says:

*UR GAY

*LOL

Pat: says:

*UGH

.ᴊoybear; says:

*UR SUPPOSED TO BE HERE NERDING WITH ME

Pat: says:

*WELL WHO THE HELL KNOWS YOU WERE NERDING

*WHY WEREN'T U NERDING LAST SEMESTER

.ᴊoybear; says:

*IM GETTING ADDICTED TO NERDING

*OMFG

*LOL

Pat: says:

*nerding is cool

*see now you know =D

.ᴊoybear; says:

*...no LOLLLLL omg

Pat: says:

*lol

.ᴊoybear; says:

*im scared of getting bad marks now

Pat: says:

*ya

*i know

.ᴊoybear; says:

*i have B-phobia now

Pat: says:

*when u get an exam back and u get like 99%

*it' slike...

.ᴊoybear; says:

*orgasm

Pat: says:

*OMG ORGASM

.ᴊoybear; says:

*LOL

Pat: says:

*...

.ᴊoybear; says:

*HAHAHAHAHA

Pat: says:

*don't ninja my mind

another exam coming up

2010-06-15T02:33:00.003-07:00

and i stay up late not to cram, but to do something as random and time wasting as this...

shoppy spree

2010-06-10T00:45:00.004-07:00

omg i typo'd the title. LOL SHOPPING SPREEE****

anyway! ya i went on a big shopping spree cus my bro's back. yayy!

and today i went to zara and picked out this outfit that i really love, but my bro kept saying it's super ugly and wouldnt let me get it -_- well i convinced him to get me the top, but apparently the price on the tag was in EURO (for some reason) and the actual CAD price was a lot more so i ended up not getting it. and as much as i love the jeans (cus they're so different from the N pairs i own) my bro said they make my legs look SO SHORT and they look like farmer pants :((((( so no-no to the jeans too.

so like i've said before, if you can't buy it, take a pic of it (secretly in the changeroom). since i can't wear it and show it off to friends, i guess i'll just show it off on my dead blog.

[ YAY IMAGINARY PIC HERE. gotta upload..snore* ]

okok finally, heres the pic.

K! THATS IT! bye! :D

here i am

2010-03-06T04:37:00.005-08:00

here i am, back in my spacious room with all my beloved stuffies, my pink blankie, my messy closet, and my PC-chan who i spend 90% of my time with. everything just the way i left it. yet why does it feel so unfamiliar...?

i don't understand. i've only been gone for 2-3 weeks... i'm just going back to the life i'm used to living.. but why is it so hard to adjust? haven't i been living this way since last september..?

i guess... it's just that easy for me to adapt when i'm with my loved ones... but it'll take that much more effort to adjust back to living alone. even if i've only been away for 2 weeks.

i really, really hate being alone.

please come soon..

dream to reality

2010-03-04T02:14:00.000-08:00

i don't wanna go back.. don't wanna go back.

square one

2010-03-03T19:53:00.010-08:00

不想離開的地方不想面對

的事情無法應付的情緒強

顏歡笑只有眼淚不停往下

掉利用了時間和距離爭取

的堅強而現在已一無所有

i am back to square one

為了短暫的幸福需要付出

的代價我想我永遠不後悔

new haircut!

2010-01-26T22:25:00.008-08:00

thank you for voting for my new hair style in the previous previous post :D

here's the result!!

Before and After:

Salon: Ark Hair Studio
Stylist: Takumi (highly recommended!!)

NYAHAHA! I TOOK NO ONE'S ADVICE! UR VOTES MEANT NOTHING TO MEEE MUAHAHA

just keeding! i love you all!! ♥♥♥

dukkbokki

2010-01-12T02:59:00.004-08:00

pure yumminess :D this picture does no justice!

PS. i changed my blog song, but i don't think anyone can hear it other than me. =( is it true? was it like that before too when i had christmas songs playing?

haircut?

2010-01-10T17:44:00.005-08:00

EDIT: dam. i can't tell who voted LOL

tokki!

2010-01-05T19:17:00.006-08:00

..because bunnies are amazing, even when they poop all over me :D

4 days of fever-- i'm ready for you

2009-12-30T22:01:00.007-08:00

today, i got my h1n1 shot.

.....

randomly.

.......

inside superstore.

..........

wait, what?

my little adventure

2009-12-29T04:35:00.009-08:00

yesterday, while trying drive home from metro (which i have SUCCESSFULLY done a billion times before), i did something VERY epic.

View Larger Map

+ or click here for better view +

yup. just from point A to B. from point B onwards i pretty much know my way home.. EXCEPT i still ended up making a very big unnecessary loop when i was nearing my house.

thanks xiao yu (patshi). =_______= without you i probably would've already ended up completely lost somewhere in surrey.

oh my original plan was to get on willingdon (which i did), and turn right on Imperial St / 49th Ave. and head home happily. but sigh :(

PS. oh, and i know i've been lazy and it's kinda late now, but Merry Christmas! ^^

;Cry

2009-12-20T23:52:00.007-08:00

so i know i didn't mention this before, but the couple shirts i bought were actually from ebay. and after some complications with the transaction, (i actually thought he was trying to scam me because he didnt respond for a week after i paid), i FINALLY received the item!

i was sooooooo excited i opened the package and tried it on straight away.

BUT TO MY DISAPPOINTMENT......

it is obviously not the same shirt as the one shown in pictures.

i know i know, i should have checked the measurements posted in the listing, but it said 1 size, and i was lazy, and it looked good in the picture. SIGH. ;Cry

so i know you cant really tell what the girl's shirt looks like from the previous picture i posted, so here's another pic i stole of the same shirt in white (and pink):

seeeee how the shirt is long and the plaid lining goes up and around the insides of the collar??? so niceee~ and it's got white small buttons~

well the shirt i got definitely looks the same at first glance, but after trying it on, it's pretty obvious that THIS IS NOT THE SAME SHIRT.

to name some differences, the cuffs are different, the plaid material is cheap, there are loose ends everywhere, and the buttons are big and black and don't even fit through the button holes. :((((((((

see how short it is? :( fail.

le dead.

2009-12-16T13:05:00.021-08:00

omg i am so le tired.

it's raining outside.

for once i'm appreciating the rain.

YES YES wash away all the snow!

speaking of snow, i tried to snap a pic of it 2 nights ago with my phone.

it is supposedly 3.2mpx, but why is the quality so terrible?!

ok ok i know i'm a bad photographer. but still!

yet someone was able to take a photo as amazing as THIS:

credits to Kevin :)

(joy's inner OS: "what?! are you sure that's the same city i live in?!")

quite amazing eh? :D

EDIT:

so i just did my nails again. 8D

left hand right hand. :)

PS. i finally stopped being lazy and hyperlinked most of my images so now you can click and enlarge them!

PPS. OH! and mich made this super cute bobble head for me!!! (cute as in it's a cute bobble head.. not that.. i'm.. cute.. -gag) THX MICH!! lablablab♥

fight fight

2009-12-15T11:37:00.010-08:00

have to cram. real bad.

but of course when i need to cram i come and make a random post. :D

i did my nails the other day:

minnie!!!!!

(ignore messiness in the bg)

speechless. @ myself -_-

2009-12-09T17:45:00.004-08:00

i went to oakridge with suzy today, and bought this.

Coach leopard print flats; 119.99

FML.

christmas wishlist

2009-12-01T00:13:00.045-08:00

**SCROLL DOWN** for FML spendings.

EDIT: OMFG. CAN U BELIEVE IT.. I ALREADY BOUGHT 3 OF THE 4 THINGS ON MY WISHLIST. i'm a sinner.

~~to-buy list:~~

i wish. ;_;.

1. tweezerman tweezers; 26.00. [purchased]

no doubt the best tweezers in the history of mankind!! and of course, for joy, IT SHALL BE PINK :D

~~2. CHI flat iron by Farouk (1"); 211.35~~

~~originally wanted this, (of course in pink), but i later realized irons using tourmaline are a much better choice. :D~~

2. Solia Pink Limited Edition Flat Iron (1"); 158.50 [purchased]

(yes i am a nerd who is willing to pay more for PINK) omg DROOOOL. -reaches out-

3. Coach Mini Signature Small Lanyard (Pink)

i need a new cellphone strap for me new phone (pink.. phone. whadya know) ;_;

4. Coach barretts; 88.00 [purchased]

OMG YOU ADORABLE THING... i love almost all the patterns!!! they have other prints that are super cute too!

trying to keep it short but... :(

for some reason 4 these images have the same general shape and color..... hm. LOL

____________________________________________________________

and just to list out some of the other things that i recently purchased...

Sony Ericsson w705 Limited Edition - Floral Pink; 310.00

GUCCI sunglasses Mod. GG 3042/F/S; 500.00

coffret d'or Beauty Essence Pact; 41.00 (7pcs)

coffret d'or Beauty Essence Liquid; 42.00

Christian Dior DiorSnow Pure UV Ultra-Whitening Spot Corrector SPF50; 45.00 (3pcs)

Samsung 2343BWX 23" Widescreen LCD Monitor 2048X1152 50000:1DC 5ms VGA DVI; 210.00
(whatever that means)

nGear Heart Shaped Ultra HD Video Super Quality Webcam; 24.99

2009 Summer Korean couple shirt(s); 21.00

and the list goes on...

one year ♥

2009-11-23T17:33:00.000-08:00

can't believe it.
i love you ♥

期待していい？

2009-10-24T23:40:00.007-07:00

Just call me back again
どうして君は私ナシで平気でいられるの?
ねぇこのままじゃサヨナラした方がマシじゃない?
そんな気がして

今すぐ会いたいもっと声が聞きたい
こんなにも君だけ想ってるのに
このままSay good bye なんてできるワケない
本当くやしいけど
I just wanna say “love you”

11 months.

2009-10-23T17:29:00.005-07:00

rainy, rainy 11 month anni.
way to reflect how i feel :(

can't believe it's already been 11 months.
and just one more to a real anniversary...
my first real anniversary!

but can't help feeling depressed knowing that it probably won't even be half as exciting as today will be. rainy rainy today...

nor will any of our 'monthiversaries' for at least the next..... 8 months. :( sigh.

ugly girls

2009-09-29T10:44:00.020-07:00

posted upon request. 8D

excerpt from some stupid thing i wrote in japan.

A few days ago when I was having a chat with my boyfriend, he jokingly teased me about my chubbiness and about how different I look with and without make-up, which have been the two aspects of my appearance I’ve been most sensitive and self-conscious about. When I told this to my best friend, she was very angry with what my boyfriend said, and assured me that I am nowhere near fat and that I look beautiful with or without make-up. At this point, I realized that after hearing these two very different comments, one from my boyfriend who was probably just playing around, and the other one from my female best friend who is truly concerned about me, my mind instantly concluded that the things my best friend said were all lies, and I just continued to be even more self-conscious about my appearance “flaws”. One reason that has brought me to think this way is my fashion guru brother’s constant naggings and criticism about my appearance almost every single day growing up, especially about the two aspects aforementioned. (Even now when we don’t live together, the first thing he would ask me in an occasional phone call is, “So did you lose weight yet?”) I later learned that this kind of “excessive” concern about one’s own appearance is in fact a disorder, and is too common among young individuals who are not even aware of it. This is called Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD), a psychological “disorder characterized by a severe preoccupation with a perceived defect in one’s appearance.”1 “Those diagnosed with BDD are preoccupied with an imagined [or minor physical defect] that others often cannot see. People with this disorder often see themselves as ‘ugly’ and often avoid social exposure to others or turn to plastic surgery to attempt to improve their appearance.”2

My brother has previously suffered from bulimia, which I believe, although not medically considered to be a type of BDD, has many similar characteristics to it. The difference is that, bulimia and other eating disorders result in the patient looking overly underweight, even skeletal, because of their need to keep losing weight. On the other hand, those with BDD may not be as noticeable physically. They tend to camouflage out of a deep sense of shame and a desire to prevent further embarrassment by exposing their “defect” to others.3 Some clues include frequent mirror checking, excessive grooming, face picking, reassurance asking, and other behaviors. What is frightening to me is that all these behaviors have become daily procedures in most young women’s lives in our society.

tally up!

1. Do you often check your appearance in mirrors or other reflecting surfaces, such as windows? Or do you frequently check your appearance without using a mirror, by looking directly at the disliked body part?

2. Do you avoid mirrors because you dislike how you look?

3. Do you frequently compare yourself to others and often think that you look worse than they do?

4. Do you often ask -- or want to ask -- others whether you look okay, or whether you look as good as other people?

5. Do you try to convince other people that there's something wrong with how you look, but they consider the problem nonexistent or minimal?

6. Do you spend a lot of time grooming -- for example, combing or arranging your hair, tweezing or cutting your hair, applying makeup, or shaving? Do you spend too much time getting ready in the morning, or do you groom yourself frequently during the day? Do others complain that you spend too much time in the bathroom?

7. Do you pick your skin, popping pimples or trying to get rid of blackheads or blemishes, because you're trying to make it look better?

8. Do you try to cover or hide parts of your body with a hat, clothing, makeup, sunglasses, your hair, your hand, or other things? Is it hard to be around other people when you haven't done these things?

9. Do you often change your clothes, trying to find an outfit that covers or improves disliked aspects of your appearance? Do you take a long time selecting your outfit for the day, trying to find one that makes you look better?

10. Do you try to hide certain aspects of your appearance by maintaining a certain body position -- for example, turning your face away from others? Do you feel uncomfortable if you can't be in your preferred positions?

11. Do you think that other people take special notice of you in a negative way because of how you look? For example, when you walk down the street, do you think others are noticing what's unattractive about you?

12. Do you think that other people are thinking negative thoughts about you or making fun of you because of how you look? Are you "paranoid" because of this?

13. Is it hard for you to leave your house, or have you actually been housebound, because of how you look?

14. Do you frequently measure parts of your body, hoping to find they're as small as, as large as, or as symmetrical as you'd like?

15. Do you spend a lot of time looking for information or reading about your appearance problems in the hope that you'll reassure yourself about how you look or find a solution to your problem?

16. Have you wanted to get cosmetic surgery, dermatologic treatment, or other medical treatment to fix your appearance when other people (for example, friends or doctors) have told you such treatment isn't necessary? Have surgeons been reluctant to do cosmetic surgery, saying the defect is too minor or they're afraid you won't be pleased with the results?

17. Have you had cosmetic surgery or dermatologic treatment and been disappointed with the results? Or have you had multiple surgeries, hoping that with the next procedure your appearance problems will finally be fixed?

18. Do you work out excessively to improve your appearance?

19. Do you diet, even though others tell you it isn't necessary?

20. Do you avoid having your picture taken because you think you look so bad?

21. Are you late for things because you worry you don't look okay or because you're trying to fix an appearance problem?

22. Do you get depressed or anxious because of how you look?

23. Have you felt that life wasn't worth living because of your appearance?

24. Do you get very frustrated or angry because of how you look?

25. Does it take you longer to do things because you're distracted by appearance worries or related behaviours such as mirror checking?

26. Do you feel more comfortable going out at night, or sitting in a dark part of a room, because your defects will be less visible?

27. Do you have panic attacks or get very anxious when you look in the mirror because of how you look?

_______________________________________

i do have the rest of this thing, if you just so (for some reason) happen to want to read it.

oh and, i answered yes to 21 / 27 of the questions.

その大切さを痛感した瞬間

2009-09-25T09:20:00.004-07:00

i really want a hug...

10 months

2009-09-23T08:10:00.013-07:00

いつの間にか、またこの日がやってきました。
この一ヶ月はあんまり連絡が取れなくって。。
すっごく淋しいけど。。なんだか慣れてきたって感じ。
このまま行くとどうなるかホントに怖いけど。。。
きっと大丈夫だって、、ジョイは信じたい。
きっと。。。
長い間会ってないからこんな複雑な気持ちになるんだよね。。
きっと。。。
オッパーも守ってくれてるよね：）

早く会えるといいね＾＾

過ぎ去った時は戻せないけれど　
近くにいてくれた君が恋しいの
だけど　あなたとの距離が遠くなる程に　
忙しくみせていた　あたし逃げてたの
だけど　目を閉じる時　眠ろうとする時　
逃げきれないよ　あなたの事
思い出しては　一人泣いてたの

アルバムの中　納めた思い出の
日々より　何げない一時が　今じゃ恋しいの
And now　あなたからの電話待ち続けていた
携帯にぎりしめながら眠りについた
あたしは　どこも行かないよ　ここにいるけれど
見つめ合いたいあなたのその瞳
ねぇわかるでしょ?　あたし待ってるよ

あなたのこと　私は今でも思い続けているよ
いくら時流れて行こうと　I'm by your side baby いつでも
So.　どんなに離れていようと
心の中ではいつでも一緒にいるけど　寂しいんだよ
So baby please　ただ hurry back home

Baby boy　あたしはここにいるよ　どこもいかずに待ってるよ
You know dat I love you　だからこそ　心配しなくていいんだよ
どんなに遠くにいても変わらないよこの心
言いたい事わかるでしょ?
あなたのこと待ってるよ

１０ヶ月記念、おめでとう
これからもずっと。。

裝傻

2009-09-16T08:51:00.010-07:00

轉：[simplified]

當你以為你愛上了一個人時,
也許只是愛上了戀愛的感覺,
也許只是被自己的某種幻想所感動,
也許是被那個很象某個人的影子所迷惑,
也許這時我們仍然不太確定，這是否真的是愛

當你用很長時間去忘記一個人,
以為終於已經大功告成時,
某一天，只是因為某一個場景，某一句話某一個細節,
他卻突然出現在你腦海,且久久揮之不去,
這時才明白從未真正將他忘去

我們可以微笑著欺騙所有人,
因為任何人也無法真切地知道你真實的感覺.
可是,我們無法欺騙自己的心.
深夜裡,是誰讓你無法入眠,
是誰在你腦中出現的頻率最高,
半夜醒來時,你最先想到的人是誰
我們需要有一個能勇敢面對一切真實感受的靈魂
白天是理性,夜晚是感性.
我們必須在白天做一切不得不做的事,
不管你是否喜歡可是夜晚是自由的.
在夜裡你可以用很輕很輕近乎耳語的聲音,
告訴自己"我是真的愛你."
或許你總是不想對任何人解釋什麼,
因為真正的愛情是心意相通是可以互相理解的.
但是,你可以理解別人卻未必也能被別人理解
你可以忘掉回憶,讓那段感情的記憶只剩開頭和結尾,
可是你無法忘掉他因為他的名字就象一個烙印,
時刻提醒你,因為他曾經存在,曾經活在你的心裡

很多事情,你無法改變
很多事情,你不能勉強;
很多事情,在剛剛開始就已經注定了是什麼結局
很多時候,我們明明知道不會有好結局卻仍然愛的那麼痴迷．
很多故事,因為是悲劇結尾所以才美麗得讓人難忘
所以朋友請你切記，很多時候．．．．
你的愛可以欺騙任何人但無法欺騙你自己的心……

我做不到...

極限

2009-09-11T07:40:00.004-07:00

我的堅強剩多少

等待 0.6

2009-09-09T23:23:00.002-07:00

我依然還在等待
等待你會明白
一顆堅強的心在等你回來
風在吹讓他擦去我臉上的淚
不要以為我真的無所謂

我依然還在等待
等待你會明白
一顆堅強的心在等你回來
不怕累只要我的身邊有你陪
請你相信我是真的不後悔

here we go again

2009-09-08T06:14:00.013-07:00

i really don't have anything to talk about.

it's like WTF-o'clock in the morning right now, and i don't know why i woke up so early. i was so tired yesterday that i KO'd (literally) on my bed and didn't even have my blankie... i was so freaking cold and now i feel like crap.

oops, after typing that much ^ i went back to KO on my bed. with a blankie this time though. it is currently 10am, and i have a terrible tummy ache... today is officially the first day of classes for most of us, but UBC is hosting "Imagine UBC" on the first day of school, so all undergraduate classes are cancelled.. therefore, Joy is simply rotting at home. could i possibly be having another one of those 'all is shit' days? :( i did wake up with a terrible tummy ache... and seriously having nothing to do, i decided to try to go on audition, but for some reason i keep getting a flash.ocx error (for IE too). and this never happened before today. :( weird.. and on top of that, I LOST MY PHONE T__T sigh... i'm dying without my phone.... *reaches out*.. ;_;

gg joy.. :(

EDIT: super pro niffy fixed my flash problem :D omg THANK YOUUU lavlavlav♥

please no

2009-09-01T02:08:00.003-07:00

hello september.

oh how i dread your arrival.

sigh.

quite the day

2009-08-30T21:56:00.021-07:00

you know one of those days when you get up early in the morning and something bad happens, and you KNOW that the entire day is going to be shit? well, let me tell you about mine! :D

good old sunday.

0900: i wake up with a baaad tummy ache, and stay in bed twisting and turning.

0930: i get out of bed, go to the washroom for my morning shower, only to discover three big, fresh, new pimples. hurray!

1130: after being emo all morning about it, i finally get ready and go out to meet my friend at noon.

1150: i arrive at our meeting place! it feels good to be early :D

1200: meeting time! she should be here any minute now.

1215: i call her, but no one picks up, so i assume she has left the house.

1230: she calls me! and informs me that she had just woken up. i assure her that it's okay and proceed to kill time.

1330: she arrives! only 1.5 hours late. we go to the restaurant and have lunch while deciding on what to do next.

1430: my realtor calls me and informs me that he will be bringing clients over to look at our house (for sale) at 4pm. i apologize to my friend and start heading home to clean my room.

1440: i board the new Canada Line which surprisingly happens to be very crowded. i stand by the door near two guys.

and here comes the ridiculous part! the guys kept trying to talk to me, but i ignored them and looked the other way. maybe that wasn't a very smart move because then, the guy closer to me started trying to get my attention by grabbing and touching my leg. then i turned and looked at him with a 'wtf?!' face, and he looked straight back at me while smiling and nodding with a 'yeeeeeeah (: ' face. then i noticed his friend took out a pipe from his backpack and started filling it with weed. WOW. thankfully, my station was only one away so i got off immediately, catching them say "aw damn, she's getting off." wow. i just have to say this didn't leave me a very good impression of the new c-line. but i know i was just unlucky.

1500: i arrive at home and clean my room and double check that the rest of the house is tidy too.

1530: one of my tenants informs me that the realtor is coming, just in case he brings clients over and walks in on me when i'm KO'd on my bed. which did happen before. thank you! you are very kind.

1600: after making sure everything is clean, i leave my house as my realtor arrives. with nowhere to go, i decide to walk up and down the block. knowing my realtor could probably see me, i didn't want to make him nervous, so i walk to my station and sit there for 1.5hours doing nothing instead.

1730: pretty sure they should be gone by this time, i make my way back home. only to realize that i have forgotten my keys inside the house. i phone one of my tenants but she doesn't pick up. wanting to cry and laugh at myself at the same time, i attempt to walk to a nearby park.

1745: after getting lost for a while, i pass by an elementary school (jamieson haha). i sit on the swings while being emo and reflecting on my day.

1900: i finally get in touch with my tenants, and they let me in the house.

1925: i appear offline on msn, and decide to take a nap. pretty damn tired.

2020: i wake up, and notice that my boyfriend is online. i try to message him but no messages go through. i check event log viewer to see that he logged on msn at 1930. right after i went to take a nap. frustrated that i cannot message him on msn, i relog. and he is offline.

that pretty much sums up all the &!#($# events that happened today. wow. it was so ugh for me that it'll be memorable.

and i guess all i really have to say right now is,

FML.

Dear best friend

2009-08-28T12:04:00.009-07:00

To my Queen (of the day),

Over the past year in Japan, being away from Vancouver and everything, I've learned which friends truly care about me, which longed for my return, and which made me feel that i still have a loving home to return to.

i always think that i know you best and i take pride in that. i know that you never know how to defend yourself, and i get so angry when i find out that someone has taken advantage of that and hurt you. then the unreasonable side of me takes over and starts hating on the person who hurt you no matter what the reason is. i always try my best to be there for you, because i believe no one understands you more than i do. i always want to be there to support you. but with that said, maybe you haven't noticed, but it has always been the other way around. you were always there for me helping me in every single way without asking for anything in return, giving me a hand when i trip and fall, supporting me, and giving me the confidence i lack.

thank you for all that you've done for me. thank you for all the years we've had together, and all the amazing years to come!

i love you, and happy 21st birthday, Eugie!

we'll spend all the rest of our birthdays together until we get old and wrinkly! LOL

Love,

Your Slave (of the day. *wink*)

reassuring words.

2009-08-27T03:18:00.003-07:00

thank youー

在我最脆弱迷惘的時候

說出了我最想要聽到的話

給了我最大的安慰

i think i know what to do. ♥

lost direction

2009-08-26T00:41:00.022-07:00

i think i've lost myself before i even lost you....

i don't know what i want anymore....

why does it all feel so unfamiliar?

i want to know where i truly belong....

(ty claudie for the song recommendation ♥ )

Keyshia Cole - Fallin' Out

Been sitting thinking about you and I and wondering why we're not getting along
so frustrated 'cause what we had was a happy home.
I don't know what the situation is but I can tell in the way we kiss
we don't talk no more it feels better when I'm alone

Sometimes I feel like there's no getting through to you
like you don't appreciate all that I do.
you gotta show me that you want me to stay
don't turn & walk away

baby I'm slowly fallin' out of love with you
I don't know what to do,
how did we end up here this way?
what are we gonna do?
I'm slowly falling out.. baby
we're tripping on silly things
boy I need you to meet me halfway,
if you want me to be with you..

I remember when, I'd be with my friends
you checked on me and made time to call
but how things have changed? --
now I don't hear from you at all.
Yeah yeah yeah

don't let your pride get in the way,
for something we worked so hard --
don't throw it away
I've been tryna make you see
everything you need is right here with me

i'm just a girl

2009-08-24T23:43:00.027-07:00

i hate how i can't control my feelings...
and i also realized that i cannot control my own mind...
i wish i could tell myself to stop thinking about him but i can't...
and it's really scaring me......

you always tell me to appreciate you.. but why do you never appreciate or respect me...?

i remember when we first started dating, you were so busy juggling school and 2 jobs that you rarely had any time for me.. and i remember you always ended classes later than i did, and i would wait that extra 1.5 hours everyday just so i could spend 30 minutes together with you before you rushed off to work... and how you'd always reschedule or cancel our dates, and i would tell you don't worry, it's okay. so then you said, before we started dating, you thought i was childish and that i would definitely complain about how busy you are... but instead, i never did. and i just tried my best to cherish every possible moment we could have together. and you appreciated me back then for my maturity and understanding of your situation and such... but i guess because of that single compliment, i tried to keep up that image by tolerating your actions again and again... i tried to overlook so many things and makes excuses for you so i could move on from each argument to the next...

did you know that i am actually a very demanding girl? did you know that i always feel insecure and that i need a lot of attention? did you know that a simple argument can make me give up and back out of relationships very easily? did you know that i hated changing myself because i believe i deserve to be loved for who i am? of course you didn't know any of those things about me.... because i never showed those sides of me to you. because ever since i found you, i changed...

i don't think i have ever tried so hard to keep a relationship before... i have never been afraid of letting go and moving on. i was always very realistic with my decisions and often based them on a set of pros and cons, consequences and outcomes. yet this time, it feels like... loving you has outweighed everything else. and i believe in you. i know you will never betray me... i trust that you love me... even if it seems like i'm always on the bottom of your priority list.

but i'm selfish... i'm unreasonable... i whine, i cry, i get jealous, and i want your attention... i don't want to be mature, i don't want to be understanding, i don't want to be accepting.... but i kept everything to myself, because i want to keep your love... and i know our time together is too short for any of that childish behaviour.

but i wish you will someday realize what i go through for you,

and realize that i am just a girl....

the 23rd of every month.

2009-08-22T23:40:00.016-07:00

the 23rd of every month.

NO... it's not what you're thinking of. :P

so it's been 9 months now..

maybe it is because of the amount of time we actually got to spend together that i can barely believe 9 months have past... i know i shouldn't even be talking about this publicly on my blog, but sometimes i just wish you could read my mind and know how i feel and what i'm going through... ughhhh i hate myself. i feel like i'm just being a whiny little bitch trying to get attention and pity. i am. but do i get any credit for realizing it myself? :P so looking in my agenda, i've marked down each and every day we've ever gotten to see each other.. and surprisingly or not, it totals to be under 3 months. and i even remember that most of them were just brief encounters at school before you rushed off to work... why did i even bother counting up the days and why does it matter so much? if we're in love, this kinda stuff shouldn't even matter.. right? i can confidently say that those 90 or so days we spent together were some of the best times i've ever had in my life.... i love how you baby me and treat me like a princess.. i love how you know me so well that you always give me exactly what i want without me having to say it.. i love how you'd make promises to me and surprise me by never breaking any of them no matter how trivial they are. but why were these things only limited to those 90 days we actually got to see each other...? for the rest of the 9 months.. i felt like all i've ever gotten from you were insensitivity and nonchalance... knowing that the easiest way to stay in touch would be using the internet, why do you never go online? but even so, i still didn't give up and made long distance calls to you everyday without fail.. but to my disappointment, you never showed any signs of happiness in your voice upon receiving my call... sometimes, you were even eager to hang up the phone to continue doing whatever you were doing... and i wonder.. am i really that much of a nuisance to you..? if i'm not standing infront of you, does that mean i'm not a part of your life anymore...? and i still can't stop myself from calling you... even though i'd feel lonelier and emptier than ever each time we hang up the phone. but i still trust you.. and i believe you do love me... and i try my best to hang on to this seemingly one-sided relationship...

but sometimes it is just so hard... especially when i feel like i'm the only one who is constantly waiting.. and what is even more cruel is that time goes by exponentially slower for the one who is waiting than the one being waited.. so i've slowly learned to avoid thinking about you and missing you, and to avoid all those things that might remind me of you... and just when i started to think i could put my feelings for you aside for a while... a simple phone call of 15 seconds on the morning of our 9th anniversary can ruin it all and make me break down inside...

why do you do this to me...?

yet, i know i still won't stop loving you...

how i wish i could choose who to fall in love with... then it would be so easy.

sorry for such an emo post :( it doesn't even make much sense. and i know people who read this will roll their eyes and call me stupid :P
maybe it is that time of the month.
or maybe i am just hungry.

happy 9 month anniversary.

it's been a while

2009-08-10T05:17:00.014-07:00

hello my long abandoned blog. Q___Q

i just realized that blogging is getting really popular these days. i love reading other ppl's blogs cus you guys all write really interesting stuff, but after being in japan for 1 year my english has deproved drastically and i am not very confident when writing my blog entries Q___Q my english writing was never that good to start with.

in any case, "we" are having a minor argument (or it's only me holding a one-sided grudge) and i am taking a break from posting on my 'other' blog. so im here again :D hello!

speaking of new blogs, patshi has recently created a new blog and is posting like MADDDD! hey! thats just like me when i make a new blog :D but i die off after a week or so. NEEEEEEERO you better keep it up!!!

and speaking of patshi's blog, i was reading all of his long posts the other day, and didn't realize how noisy his blog song was until i finished reading everything. then i said to suzy "OMG NEERO'S BLOG SONG IS SOOOOOO NOISY!!" and suzy was like "HAHAHAHAHA." then i critisized her blog song for going "17 MINUTES 17 MINUTES 17 MINUTES 一直給我 17 MINUTES.." then she 挖舊帳 and said "at least your blog stopped going AJIK DO AJIK DO" =_______= so we came to the conclusion that all blog songs eventually get hated.

so, i also need a NEW SKINNNNN X_____X someone please give me some advice.

after one full year of slacking off and fooling around in japan, i've really started to get worried and nervous about my school work. i seriously feel like i haven't been studying enough and i can't wait to go back to ~~hell~~ UBC to get at least something done. i feel like my life became stagnant once i got to japan. but all in all, i had the time of my life. and it is time to get back on track.

i am such a NO LIFE! today, my friend asked me several times at different hours: "what are you doing?" before noon, my answer was "writing my stupid essay for my scholarship. IN JAPANESE. SAVE MEEEEE... I CAN'T BS ANYMORE." then later on, he asked me again. "i'm lying on my bed forcing my cat to play with me" and later on the same question.. "im on facebook". and again.. "i'm reading fmylife.com HAHAHAHAHA SO FUNNY!" i then started to make a story out of msn default emoticons by giving those animals dialogue. then i was reading people's blogs. then i decided i wanted to try to fry a japanese style sweet eggroll thing, but spilt too much soysauce in the egg mixture so my eggroll turned out brown and salty. then i went back to the computer and started playing sudoku and minesweeper flags and other msn games with suzy until she spontaneously poofed after saying "NITE HO". and then i talked to eugie on msn for a quite a long time. that was probably the most productive thing i did today other than getting my essay done! and since eugie ditched me now, im back to being a no-life.

so i think i'm going to go watch some TV to finish off my unproductive day..........

sidenote: my little rant--- the boy isn't treating me well....... sigh

P.S. i just click [View Blog], and my blog started AJIK DO-ing. FML

i'm back, but not for long.

2009-07-19T17:51:00.000-07:00

im here. i don't really know why since i've abandoned my blog for sooooo long. i wonder how long it will take people to realize i made a new post! but... i'm probably here because i have a paper due today which i haven't even started to work on yet. i went to korea 16-19th to visit my boyfriend, which means i got back yesterday.. and now i just feel so... lonely. i don't really have any more news i want to talk about right now i guess :( other than complaining about our relationship and such. since starting yesterday, we have no plans to see each other for at least the next 12 months, we will probably start a blog together, hopefully soon. but my guess is that he probably won't be blogging half as much as i will :( sigh. but please do come visit our new blog once we make it! although i don't know what language it will mainly be in. japanese? english? korean? ...chinese?! i don't even know what im talking about anymore.. good bye :(

i still can't accept the fact that he's not here anymore...

please spend time with me and make this loneliness go away.

배고파 죽겠어

2009-05-20T08:50:00.000-07:00

HERES A POST I WAS SUPPOSED TO POST...... UM WEDNESDAY. or something. but never did. because of obvious reasons.

i dont even know if the korean in the title is correct or not. i bet no one notices the title anyway. :D

but ya. yaaaaaay pat's not mad at me ;____; i sorry. wuwuwu

i'm REALLY hungry now. z____z and now that i think about it, i only ate one onigiri today, and 2 small pieces of BASASHI「馬刺し」that my friend force fed to me at the bar today. OMG. it is usually very expensive, and if you havent guessed what it is already from the name, it is HORSE SASHIMI. aka. RAW HORSE MEAT. OMGGGGG!!!!!!!! i can't believe i ate it.... i'm sorry mr. horse..... T_______T

so its 1am now. hunger at 1am is just UNACCEPTABLE. its not like i'm not fat enough as is. I MUSN'T EAT AT THIS TIMEEEEE!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOO

and so i have a presentation tomorrow. i have NOT researched even a SINGLE thing about my topic yet so this is just 100% YABAI「やばい」!!! jjjjjjjj[;oobv
[ f ] x 1051
[ l ] x 21471
[ f ] x 19372

WOW LOL i letter-counted them and look at that ^

ella ella ey ey ey

2009-05-17T16:52:00.000-07:00

added 2 songs to music player :P LALALA.

i really have nothing to post about. my life is boring. :(

other than that i owe a BIG HUGE apology to my dear friend PATRICK D. NGUYEN. i'm very very very very sorry i did not wish you a happy birthday. :( i have no excuses other than I FORGOT!! it was on the same day as the deadline for my ubc credit transfer and i was really stressed out about it every single day leading up to it because i couldnt get all the info for my courses.. and the forms i had to fill out were 3 pages per course, with 21 courses to fill out for. remember i threatened you by asking you for your address like 2 months before (kekeke) and i actually did have something to mail to you :( and a week before your bday, i went out to buy a bubble envelope. and what made me remember that i totally forgot about your birthday? is that yesterday i did a huge clean up of my !#(%!&#$*@#% room, and i found the bubble envelope still in the plastic bag. NOOOOOOOOOOOO. T_____T im a terrible friend i know. :( and even now, i dont have anything sorted out--- sighsighsigh!

i did not wish my best friend a happy birthday. FAIL.

i cleaned my room yesterday and now its all messy again. FAIL.

i fell asleep without hanging my laundry up, then woke up at 4am to hang it and guess what? its not dry. FAIL.

and i still didnt finish filling out those stupid xfer credit forms even though its way over the deadline now. FAILFAILFAIL.

i'm messed up!!!! :(

well enjoy the old school songs. :P

and..

sorry pat. happy birthday :(

i promise i'll try to make it up to you.

much loooooves. ♥♥♥

PS. WAIT! does pat even read my blog. CRY

btwn plus signs lalala

2009-05-09T08:54:00.001-07:00

i blog when i least should blog and dont blog when i do have spare time to blog.

do you ever do that?

like.. right after i paint my nails or get my nails done i feel like i wanna play piano, even though 80% of the time it facks everything up. or when im trying to stay up really late and instead of doing something that will keep me up, i go lie on my bed. or when i should study for an exam or go to bed early, i start blogging.

just like right now!

i dont have an exam or anything, but there is an event im attending tomorrow and i have to get up really early. x_x im going to go pick tea leaves! yay exciting

i really dont have that many interesting things to say lalala but hi reader!

it's funny how in japan, i probably have 2 distinct ways i dress. one for when i go to school or just to the city in general, and the other when im going out somewhere in my station (Eda). i know i probably did the same in vancouver too, but on lazy days i still dress whatevers and go to school. like it's not really a big deal to get all dolled up to be on campus. although everyone else is.

so yesterday i dressed as usual 'shibuya joy' or 'aogaku joy' as my friend and i call it. oh and aogaku is short for my school Aoyama Gakuin University. :D anyway, so after school we headed home to eat our free dorm dinner, and then i transformed into 'eda joy', and at night we went over to our friend Alex's house for movie night! and while i stayed as 'eda joy', i did have to transfer trains at Shibuya and oh did i feel SOOOOOOOOO underdressed!!! ooommmmmggggg i really wish i didn't have to care about my attire so much.

SO ANYWAY! yay movie night! except we didnt watch a movie. loooong story. we did drink umeshu and eat snacks and go crazy. and the people who had saturday class ACTUALLY got up at 5am the next day and went to school. or thats what they said they were gonna do and were gone by the time i woke up (at 9am!)

so whats going on with swine flu? it was such a hot topic just last week and now it's completely gone from cnn's front page. when WHO raised the threat level from 4 to 5, japan was going to close all schools if even one person is infected with swine flu. so now there are 3 people who they have confirmed to have swine flu and are quarantined at narita along with 10 other people who were in close proximities with the patients. so is there school or not? x___x i do hope there is.

the girls at the dorms were talking about this last night at dinner, and we concluded that when the flu isn't actually that bad, it was serious in mexico because of the poor medical healthcare in some areas.. and that WHO raised the threat level so high because they didnt want the flu to spread to developing countries.

ok enough about pigs. poor pig stocks suffering when the economy was already so bad to start with.

im looking at my ointment sitting on my table. its my favourite ointment ever since i was a little girl and it's running out. NOOOOOO! i rarely find it sold anywhere now :( i call it 小護士 (little nurse) and on it it says MENTHOLATUM. oh here i googled an image! so anyway, i asked my mommy to buy me some from taiwan, and instead, she bought something that looks extreeemely similar to but is NOT 小護士!!! the logo looked so similar, except instead of a little nurse, it was some random little girl!!!! :@ and when i opened it, the ointment inside smelled like TOOTHPASTE instead of the authentic 小護士 menthol. FAILFAILFAIL! saddd!

anyway i love 小護士! my friend dies from the smell but i love it. LOOVE it.

and now im just bleh and blogging. :(

i mean i guess i'm done with blogging now.. i really should go to bed.. mickey sounds like he needs rest too, sorry mickey!

well good night :P

joy is feeling lonely again.

dusts blog..

2009-05-08T02:03:00.000-07:00

okok i'll post an entry. just to prove im not abandoning this blog YET!

but i can already tell this post isn't gonna be too exciting.........

anyway!

the other day, i subconsciously pulled off the spacebar of my laptop.. and in the process of trying to jam it back in, i realized one of the metal hooks got smashed and wasnt standing upright like it's supposed to. so i decide to help it up with my nail! but it gets crooked again, and the process repeats, and you can probably guess what happens. IT SNAPS OFF. OMG GG JOY HUANG!!!!!

so now i've just jammed the spacebar on once more and although it's quite stiff when i type now, im just very very grateful that it's staying in place and doing its job.

ok another topic.

some of you may already know this from my facebook status, but some of you (orjustoneperson*COUGHNIFFY*) who don't use facebook probably don't know that this morning i woke up and threw up for no reason. x___x that wasn't a very good experience. ughh! i just felt sick and nauseated when i got up this morning.. but other times when that happened i never really actually threw up. but this time after thinking about the idea of throwing up and getting a plastic bag, i eventually did throw up. UGHH. NOT FUN!

sorry for going into details about my throwing up but.. at first when i started to semi-regurgitate, nothing came out other than me choking on myself. and it seriously felt like someone was grabbing onto my throat and squeeeeeezing it super tight and i literally couldnt breathe, and instead, i let all the oxygen out by trying to vomit. does that make sense? probably not lalala. but yea :( i just felt tears come to my eyes and eventually threw up successfully.

and the throwing up went by quite quickly (thank god) and immediately i felt much better. but not THAT much better. x_x but yea. :P u get what i mean.

so what the heck. i didn't even eat anything and what i threw up was mainly clear liquid. but later i figured it was probably because i had 2 essays that were due today and i obviously didnt' finish... so i tried to stay up to finish it but failed.. and instead i just woke up every hour or less and K.O. right away before getting anything down.

but now that's over and done with so i feel 100% better! and sleepy... but in a good way. :D

is this enough for a post? teehee. i probably have more random boring things to say but i'll save that for when i remember. dalalalala!

the powers of 引きこもり

2009-05-03T19:19:00.000-07:00

i have reached a state in which i have lost all willingness to move. i am inside my room, removed from the outside world, and what makes things worse is that i cannot seem to get out of this chair infront of my laptop. not only am i detached from anything beyond the premises of my room, my room has become so messy that i can't move anywhere other than hopping between my chair and portions of my bed.. i think i'm sick.

and in japan, this disease is called 引きこもり.

i think it's time to come up with a plan...

yes.. a plan..

*K.O.'s on bed..*

i'm a goose

2009-05-02T18:23:00.001-07:00

i dont know what temperature my AC is turned to but its REALLY COLD. i have scary goosebumps that make me feel like.. A GOOSE. *HOOOOONK* (ToT)

my remote must've dropped somewhere in the depths of my mega tornado messy room and is unrecoverable. knowing me, it must be set to something like 16 or 20 degrees celcius. because if its cold, i set my AC to 30 (aka. max) and if its hot, i set it to 16. and now im freeeezing to death ;_;

i just realized my blog entries are not DATED. WTF?! SOMEONE HELP MEEEEE WHY IS IT NOT DATED?!?!!!

joy's posts poofed!

2009-05-02T17:02:00.000-07:00

i should stop hating. so i'm gonna start off fresh again. :D

but i have nothing to talk about now..

my ankle has been hurting since 2 or 3 weeks ago, but it didnt hurt enough to bug me until a couple days ago. (;_;) and now im semi-limping around and just staying home. i feel so detached from the 'real' world (;_;)... *reaches out*

and i have a canker sore. (T__T) it hurts and i keep biting on it and its making me lose my appetite wuwuwu

anyway. hurray!! i semi-fixed up a blog. and stole a music player from the same place eugie got hers :D but the music quality for a couple of the songs are bleh x__x

OMGGG my blog is sooo boring to read. LALALALA!

the other day, i apparently fell asleep on my bed while reading about the swine flu.. and my friend came in my room and asked me if i was awake, but i just started speaking random things of what she thought was probably chinese. -SHOKKU..

and something else that my friend discovered about sleeping joy is that.. i scratch my arm a lot. but its more like i tickle my arm and then i scratch it cus its ticklish. WTF JOY?!

anyway. i shamelessly put my picture up there ← i know i know. you can laugh (;_;)

i keep making the (;_;) smiley... in Japanese, another version of that smiley is → (/_;). OK. what exactly is that supposed to be?! like.. wacking my arm half way across my face on one side while crying..?! someone please explain to meeeee!

ok enough random boring thoughts. :D i will blog again when im bored. HEHE

PS. please affiliate me because i have no friends wuwuwu and leave your link so i can affiliate you too! ♥